She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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