i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
