If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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