is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
