i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
