On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
