I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
