I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
