soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
