I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
