he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
