i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
