I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
