I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
