before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
