I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
