She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Text me some of your sweat
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
