You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
