Three words: puerto rican gang bang
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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