Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
