Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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