She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
