a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
