if you like me you must not know who I am
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
