just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
