Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
