Your dad touched me again.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
