Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
