hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
