i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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