she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
