i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
