Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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