Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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