I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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