i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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