I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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