The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
