Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
