Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
