there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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