I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
