I want to stick my p in your. b.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
