Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
