and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
