Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
