I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
