I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
