HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
