I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
