ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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